You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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