i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
