I think i peed on brittanys purse
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
