24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she told me i tasted like america
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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