just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
