Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
