My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
