Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
