Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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