I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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