he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
