Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
