oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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