Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
