Girls should come with a carfax report
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
