I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
