NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
