I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
