I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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