Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
