the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
