he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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