The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
sarcasm needs its own font
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
