I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
