And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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