nut hugger
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
