Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I want a musical about memes.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
