Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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