before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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