If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
