If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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