We won't sleep together?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
