Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
