yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
