I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
