So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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