member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
