i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
In America we eat man semen.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
