I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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