how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
