youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
