So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
