Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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