dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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