In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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