I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
