I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
