her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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