It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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