just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
