I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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