Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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